Monday, June 1, 2009
For friends who understands me well enough, like Sharene, will know that I don't/can't get angry so easily(only in front of a lot of people). But these people will also know that I can be very hypocritical. I may be your "good" friend, but behind your backs, I will be "sharing" with other people who share the same view with me all the "bad" things you've done. This may not be a very nice thing, but worry not, I only "share" about facts. Furthermore, I don't do this to all my friends, in other words, enemies. Sharene may know that, I may have "hated" Clara for a period of time, but I did not do anything to worsen her relationship with her other friends. To put it simply, I don't just spread "real" rumours about a friend just because I hate him/her. I do this only to friends who have been pressing my buttons and betraying me.
I admit, I may have betrayed my friends' trust and hurt them on many occassions before but i deny the fact that I have never apologised to them for my wrong doings. I may seem indifferent, at first, if you've been pushing my limits, but after a period of time, I will start treating you indifferently as well. Soon, you'll find that I am treating you rather coldly and hanging out with you less. But, this does not occur all the time.
Things does change when I find that you'd betrayed my trust. I may ignore you for a day, a week or a year. I'm not sure myself. If I have to keep apologising for something I have not done wrong or keep giving in to you, it is definite that my heart and soul will harden against you and soon I may really hate you.
I currently have a friend whose name I shan't reveal who had been treating me like her best friend yet not her best friend. I guess many people already knew about it and are against her ignorant and proud attitude. I pray that this friend of mine would swallow her pride and change her attitude before my heart really harden. You have my blessings.
Amen.
slashed @ 3:01 AM
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Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Got our hist and lit test today.. Don't really like the feeling of it. Those kind of 'I am going to fail' feeling.. Suppose to write 5 paragraphs for hist essay but I only managed to write 2. Feeling all sick and tired as well. Down with flu for, lemme see, 5 days. No mood to study, no mood to move, no mood to work. Till this virus leave me...
slashed @ 4:04 AM
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Monday, February 2, 2009
At first I thought she was nice. But it turns out the other way.. Well, heard from Christina that the person who told Mrs ---- all the bad things about me was her. She is my buddy after all!
This is why I'm on the prefects' extended probation: school uniform not up to standard, rude, proud, attitude problem, some kind of attitude that shows that I don't want to change for the better. What on Earth is this? Can't Mrs---- see for herself that my skirt(size 27) is far below my knee? Much longer than most prefects.She isn't blind, is she? Next, rude. Yeah, agree that I was rude to a boy. But he called me Sicko first and had never called me by my name before. It is either Sicko or Idiot. At the very least I called him by his name.
Today.. Is worst! I reached my assigned duty place promptly at 10:35am and this particular concillor actually accused me. She said that I was late for duty but seriously, I wasn't! I even saw her got to a girl and asked her to switch off her phone and then went to another and then, she walked towards Eugene. She kept saying that I was late and when I tried to explain to her that I wasn't and what I saw, she said that I was being rude and shouldn't talked to her that way. So what if she's my senior and a councillor, she should at least listen to me! Then she continued saying that I should not move about once I start my duty, cannot eat, cannot drink, cannot wash my face, cannot talk to my friends. But the very thing is, I did none of those! I had no friends there, did not even drank a sip of water even though my ulcer hurt, did not eat and wash my face. She also did not think of me.. We had PE in the hall which ended at 10:20, then i had to walk to my class, get my clothes and line in the toilet because I had to change into my uniform.. That should have took more than the mere 15mins so i rushed..
And now, my mum wants to call the school. Hopefully I won't be send for counselling. And one more thing, the prefectorial board should be grateful to us, trainees. We had to sacrifise our recess and many more and yet, I'm still being accused. If my explanation to the prefects ain't enough, I demand to see the CCTV.
slashed @ 2:56 AM
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Thursday, November 27, 2008
Dance, was living hell few days back. I was scolded, badly. With Senior's ugly stare and sarcastic remark, it indeed was a living hell. Shouldn't dance be enjoyable? SYF made me all work up and stress. Yeah, how true.
I had dance today. Well, it wasn't all that bad. I didn't screw up so often but still, my coach don't seem all that pleased. I wonder why I was selected for such an important event. I don't think I'm up to it. I'm a slow learner, not flexible, and I guess, I'm dragging everyone down. But still, today dance lesson was completed, it was almost perfect. I'm happy now--27/11/08-- unlike last moday: I was a complete emo.
But still I want to thank some people.
Xiao Mei -- instead of saying anything,, she guided me instead
Ee Ching --maybe I'm a slacker - she asked me to practise. And yeah, she helped me in getting some steps right
Ru Hui, Jing Xian, Jeanette, Germin, Kathleen and Gladys -- they helped me in the part where I screw up most often;)
Jie Min and Vanessa -- thanks for giving me advice on how to do the steps correctly
Nonetheless, I want to say thank you to my friends and seniors for guiding me so far and sorry, if you think I'm a hindrance. Yeah, you must be irritated, for me to keep screwing up. Once again, sorry and thank you.
slashed @ 3:14 AM
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Sunday, October 26, 2008
Yeah. Did well for EOY but regret not studyin for all the tests and MYE cuz they take overall result. How can that be. I studied so hard then they go add in the GSA. Why must they add in the tests? Some people can ask other classes for tests questions mah. See lah, Cheryl. Don't take your tests seriously lah! kay.. Next year I will put in double the effort and get better results. Must get in to triple science class!! C'mon get a hold of yourself! Be like Chanel!
Well, obviously that's is something to be real sad of... But the worst is,,,i'm gonna be seperated from all my buddies!!!
Timothy-------the make me happy when I'm sad guy
Jie Min--------my precious daughter
Clarice---------my good friend
4
5
6
yeah...still have a whole list. I'm gonna be real sad. But, fortunately, I still have Louise, Janice, Christina, Chanel, and yay!Rebecca is coming over.
slashed @ 5:50 AM
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Left behinf by so many. I'm dragging everyone. In dance, especially.
As said, the higher your hopes, the greater the disappointment. I was hoping to be one of them. I worked hard. I got good results. I did speeches. I did my duty, though slacking at times, but I have my reasons. I wore skirts so long. I kept my pierced ear empty this whole year. I wore my tag. Indeed, I'm inferior to those around me but how am I inferior to them. I just need the reasons, that's all. Some aren't that goog, are they? Just that they are noticed by other people but I'm not. Just that some were given a chance, but I'm not. I'm calefare after all.
Those not chosen, are they smart to quit? Cause if they don't, like me, they might be doing free labour. How am I inferior to them? Those confirmed people? I should be transferring. But I chose not to. She said I was too quiet, but am I? I thought that there were so many more who are even more quiet. I thought I was noisy enough. Doing speeches and all and even soming in second for the most recent elocution contest. Maybe I've had enough.
Oh yeah, for my results. As I've said, I did pretty well. But no time to feel proud. I'm only sec 1, still a long way more to go.
Here goes:
English-69.63(B3)
Mathematics-88.5(A1)
Science-90(A1)
Chinese-70.8(A2)
Literature-70(A2)
Geography-92.5(A1)
History-86(A1)
Home Economics-79(A1)
Art-59(C5) =(
yeah, that's all. And, I'm a sad machine today.
slashed @ 2:20 AM
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Sunday, October 5, 2008
2 more papers to go and I'm done. I'm wining the battle. Yay. But a warrior needs rest. I am resting haha. Left with maths paper one and home economics.
Was listening to Canon in C, then, I came across this comment on youtube: "....a professional pianist doesn't practice for the applause or the money, but just out of a sheer love for the piano...." Yeah, isn't that why Mozart is Mozart today and Vivaldi is Vivaldi? They are so good because of their love for music. That sheer love is so powerful that it could bring someone so far, just like God's love for us. Sacrifising His only Son for us. But when I think about myself, am i practising the violin because I love it? Or because I desire those 'oohs and ahhs' from my friends. Is it because of sheer pride that I'm practising. That I desire applause, I desire the money, I desire the comments? Though a complete ameteur, I have already such ugly thoughts. A failed musician I am.
slashed @ 8:52 PM
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